The Templeton Twins Have an Idea

The Templeton Twins Have an Idea
by Ellis Weiner

Chronicle Books
Hardcover, 232 pages
ISBN 0811866793
Ages 9 and up
Releases August 15, 2012


I read a lot of good to great children's literature. The Templeton Twins Have an Idea by Ellis Weiner qualifies as neither. The characters are flat and predictable, the plot is wafer-thin, there is no sense of setting, theme, or tone. And what some critics call "sarcastic wit" is little more than one writer's desperate attempt to be liked by the cool kids.

In a nutshell, the story is this: two kids are kidnapped and held hostage so their father will sign over the rights to his invention to a delusional ex-student. They "oh-so-cleverly" escape and proceed to find their father and foil the kidnappers.

My question is this: Who includes instructions for solving Cryptic crossword puzzles in a book? And seriously, who adds a full and complete meatloaf recipe to a kid's story? Why are these here? They add nothing and they disrupt everything, bringing the entire story to a grinding, screeching, halting "Huh? What the ...?"

The worst part of this book? An arrogant, patronizing narrator who keeps running off topic then saying, "Let's move on," as though you're the one holding things up. Here are a couple of quotes from the narrator so you get just how annoyingly rude (s)he is.

"Forgive me, but I'm sure you wouldn't be capable of thinking up something as clever as that."

"I don't expect you to know what that idea was. You would have to be even more intelligent than I am to be able to guess what John's scheme was. And I think the odds of that being the case are rather small, don't you?"

How much more patronizing and self-congratulatory can a narrator be? It's as if, all in one book, the author was trying too hard while simultaneously acting like he's doing you a favor by writing the book. The only saving grace of this book are the quirky, charming illustrations by Jeremy Holmes. These make the book worth at least a flip-through at your local store.

My advice: Don't waste your time. Don't waste your children's time. Pick up a copy of Fablehaven or Chomp instead.